This definitely raises the bar!!!

Somewhere there’s a VERY unhappy office manager with nothing

left in the annual ‘supplies’ budget .

How would you like to walk to your car and find this????

This beats the Toilet Papering!!!

NUMBER 5: They told me at the Blood Bank this might happen.

NUMBER 4: ‘This is just a 15 minute power nap they raved about in the time-management course you sent me to.

NUMBER 3: ‘Whew! Guess I left the top off the White-out. You probably got here just in time!

NUMBER 2: Did you ever notice sound coming out of these keyboards when you put your ear down real close?

Number 1 And MY all time Favorite: best thing to say if you get caught sleeping at your desk: (Raising your head slowly) ‘… Amen.

This is the level of dedication we expect from all staff members!

Thank you,
The Management

Habit No. 2: You just can’t seem to make it to those early morning meetings on time. If only the wait at the Starbucks next door weren’t so slow, you’d never have to ask your co-workers what you missed.

Habit No. 3: You almost always leave the office early “to beat traffic.”
You’re positive that you have the worst commute of all your officemates.

Habit No. 4: You buy a huge gift basket for someone in the office without consulting any of your co-workers, and then tell everyone that they owe you $10 to chip in.

Habit No. 5: You borrow your neighbor’s stapler without asking and only remember to return it when your neighbor complains that he or she can’t find it.

Habit No. 6: You can’t understand what the big deal is whenever you ask your co-workers for “a tiny favor.” Don’t they know how much work you have piling up? You talk about it all the time.

Habit No. 7: You’ve once again forgotten to take home and wash the container that has the remnants of your tuna salad lunch a few days ago.

Habit No. 8: You answer questions or reply to comments with “That’s what she said.”

Habit No. 9: You don’t see the need to learn how to send a fax or fix a paper jam when there’s always someone around to help you do it.

Habit No. 10: You play your favorite boy band CD on repeat. All day. Every day.

How to Poop at Work 2

We’ve all been there but don’t like to admit it.
We’ve all kicked back in our cubicles and suddenly felt something brewing down below.
As much as we try to convince ourselves otherwise, the WORK POOP is inevitable.
For those who hate pooping at work, following is the Survival Guide for taking a dump at work.


*CROP DUSTING* When farting, you walk really fast around the office so
the smell is not in your area and everyone else gets a whiff, but doesn’t
know where it came from. Be careful when you do this.
Do not stop until the full fart has been expelled.
Walk an extra 30 feet to make sure the smell has left your pants.

*FLY BY* the act of scouting out a bathroom before
pooping. Walk in and check for other poopers.
If there are others in the bathroom, leave and come back again. Be careful not
to become a FREQUENT FLYER. People may become suspicious if they catch you
constantly going into the bathroom.

*ESCAPEE* A fart that slips out while taking a pee or forcing a poop in a
stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of embarrassment…
If you release an escapee, do not acknowl edge i t. Pretend it did not happen.
If you are a man and are standing next to the farter in the urinal, pretend you
did not hear it. No one likes an escapee.  It is uncomfortable for all involved.
Making a joke or laughing makes both parties feel uneasy.

*JAILBREAK* When forcing a poop, several farts slip out at a machine gun pace.
This is usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover. If this should happen,
do not panic. Remain in the stall until everyone has left the bathroom to spare
everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred.

*COURTESY FLUSH* The act of flushing the toilet the instant the poop hits the
water. This reduces the amount of air time the poop has to stink up the
bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF
SHAME.

*WALK OF SHAME* Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after
you have just stunk up the bathroom.
This can be a very uncomfortable moment if someone walks in an d busts you.
As with farts, it is best to pretend that the smell does not exist.
Can be avoided with the use of the COURTESY FLUSH.

*OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER* A colleague who poops at work and is doggone
proud of it. You will often see an Out Of The Closet Pooper enter the bathroom with a
newspaper or magazine under their arm. Always look around the office for the Out Of The Closet Pooper before
entering the bathroom.

*THE POOPING FRIENDS NETWORK (P.F.N)* A group of co-workers who band
together to ensure emergency pooping goes off without incident.
This group can help you to monitor the whereabouts of Out Of The Closet
Poopers, and identify SAFE HAVENS.

*SAFE HAVENS*
A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building where you can
least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the opposite sex.
This will reduce the odds of a pooper of your sex entering the bathroom.

*TURD BURGLAR* Someon e who does not realize that you a re in the stall
and tries to force the door open. This is one of the most shocking and vulnerable moments that can occur
when taking a poop at work. If this occurs, remain in the stall until the Turd Burglar leaves.
This way you will avoid all uncomfortable eye contact.

*CAMO-COUGH* A phony cough that alerts all new entrants into the
bathroom that you are in a stall. This can be used to cover-up
a WATERMELON, or to alert potential Turd Burglars.
Very effective when used in conjunction with a SHIRLEY TEMPLE.

*SHIRLEY TEMPLE* A subtle toe-tapping that is used to alert potential
Turd Burglars that you are occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt that the stall is occupied.
If you hear a SHIRLEY TEMPLE, leave the bathroom immediately so the
pooper can poop in peace.

*WATERMELON* A poop that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet
water. This is also an embarrassing inci dent.< BR>If you feel a Watermelon coming on, create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH.

*HAVANA-OMELET* A case of diarrhea that creates a series of loud splashes in
the toilet water. Often accompanied by an Escapee.
Try using a CAMO-COUGH with a SHIRLEY TEMPLE.

*AUNT BETTY* A bathroom user who seems to linger around forever…Could spend
extended lengths of time in front of the mirror or sitting on the pot.
An AUNT BETTY makes it difficult to relax while on the crapper, as you
should always wait to poop when the bathroom is empty.

This benefits you as well as the other bathroom attendees

SOME VARIETIES OF POOP YOU SHOULD BE AWARE OF~

The King Poop = This kind is the kind of poop that killed Elvis.

It doesn’t come until you’re all sweaty, trembling and purple from
straining so hard.

Bali Belly Poop = You poop so much you lose 5 lbs.

Cement Block = You wish you’d gotten a spinal block before you poop.

Cork Poop (Also Known as Floater Poop) = Even after the third flush,
it’s still floating in there. How do I get rid of it? This poop usually happens at someone else’s
house.