1-800-ALLSTATE

The King of Funny Forwards | January 30, 2009 | 0 Comments

Hello. Welcome to Allstate Insurance Automated Claims. Para Espanol,
marque el ocho.
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> If you would like to advise us that the accident was not your fault,
please press 1.
>
> If this is because the other car came out of nowhere, please press 2.
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> If this is because the other car was speeding, although you never saw
it, please press 3.
>
> If you believe the adverse independent witness is involved in a plot
against you, please press 4.
>
> If a hit and run vehicle shaped like a pole, a curb, or covered in
stucco, hit your vehicle, please press 5.
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> If you have minor rear-end damage and would like a new transmission
and/or a new stereo system, please press 6.
>
> If your vehicle had a $5000 stereo system and all the receipts for it
were inside the glove box, please press 7.
>
> If you are calling to tell us that the other party could not have been
injured, please press 8.
>
> If you are calling to make us aware that $20 per day does not cover
the cost of a rental car, please press 9.
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> If you regret choosing a high deductible, not purchasing rental
coverage, MPC or a PIP, or not paying for higher liability or UM limits and
would like us to deduct a lower amount, extend a coverage you don’t have,
or up your limits to a more convenient level, for a loss which has already
occurred, please press 10.
>
> If you do not plan to pay additional premium for your lower deductible
or additional/higher coverages, please press 11.
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> If you wish to insist that we meet you at an accident scene, although
it is completely obvious that you are at fault, please press 12.
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> If you are calling to tell us how many years you have been with us and
request that we therefore find you were not at fault for an accident,
please press 13.
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> If you were served with a lawsuit two months ago and forgot to tell
us, please press 14.
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> If we have been trying to reach you for months, and it is now Friday
afternoon at 4:56 pm, and you are calling to demand immediate assistance,
please press 15.
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> Please be aware that in the interests of customer service, we have
discontinued the “live employee” pilot program. All claim services are now
automated. Thank you for calling. We used to live where you live. This
message will repeat.