I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas.

Iv ben a gud boy all yeer.

yer Frend, BiLLy

Dear Billy,

Nice spelling. You’re on your way to a career in lawn care.

How about I send you a friggin’ book so you can learn mto read and write? I’m giving your older brother the space ranger.
At least HE can spell!

Santa

Dear Santa,

I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace and joy in the world for everybody!

Love, Sarah

Dear Sarah,

Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn’t they?

Santa

Dear Santa,

I want a new bike, a Playstation, a train, some G.I. Joes, a dog, a drum set, a pony and a tuba.

Love, Francis

Dear Francis,

Who names their kid “Francis” nowadays? I bet you’re gay;

I’ll set you up with a Barbie.

Santa

Dear Santa,

I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for your reindeer outside the back door.

Love, Susan

Dear Susan,

Milk gives me the runs and carrots make the deer fart in my face when riding in the sleigh.

You want to do me a favor? Leave me a bottle of scotch.

Santa

Dear Santa,

What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you busy making toys?

Your friend, Thomas

Dear Thomas,

All the toys are made in China. I just sit around my beach side condo all year.

Hey, you wanted to know.

Santa

Dear Santa,

Do you see us when we’re sleeping, do you really know when we’re awake, like in the song?

Love, Jessica

Dear Jessica,

Are you really that gullible or are you just a blonde? Good luck in whatever you do. I’m skipping your house.

Santa

Dear Santa,

I really really want a puppy this year.

Please please please

PLEASE PLEASE could I have one?

Timmy

Dear Timmy ,

That whiney begging crap may work with your over-indulgent folks, but that crap doesn’t work with me.

You’re getting a sweater again.

Santa

Dearest Santa,

We don’t have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our home?

Love, Marky

Mark,

First, stop calling yourself “Marky”, that’s why you’re getting your ass whipped at school.

Second, you don’t live in a house; you live in a low-rent apartment complex.

Third, I get inside your pad just like the boogeyman does, through your bedroom window.

Sweet Dreams, Santa

“Good news is that I truly out did myself this year with my Christmas decorations. The bad news is that I had to take him down after 2 days. I had more people come screaming up to my house than ever.Great stories. But two things made me take it down.

First, the cops advised me that it would cause traffic accidents as they almost wrecked when they drove by.

Second, a 55 year old lady grabbed the 75 pound ladder almost killed herself putting it against my house and didn’t realize it was fake until she climbed to the top (she was not happy). By the way, she was one of many people who attempted to do that. My yard couldn’t take it either. I have more than a few tire tracks where people literally drove up my yard.”

Enjoy your Thanksgiving.